STATUS CHANGED

The day I'd changed my status: 10 May 10.

xoxo.. My status changed but my life haven't changed. I didn't feel anything change, we are still in two different places, I'm still doing my own thing and my other half still doing his own thing. O_O I'm just really touch and feel like to cry when I knew that my parents & family had trusted me, followed everything I want and supported me with their full blessing. My mum even became my respected witness. She didn't complaint anything, she didn't care how hard for her to get to that far Kudat district for a signature. I know she enjoyed her trip. That was really meaningful and hard to me, I really feel touch & I'll never forget about that.

Few friends asked me very direct, I feel sad sometimes when I heard what they said but no worries I never keep the hurt feeling in my heart. I knew they'd just talked directly & I love that, I prefer that way which they'd just tell me the truth directly. I know they concern about me, they are partly joking & just want to advice but they don't know my real life. They have more experience in marriage life even some of them ever divorced & there is some good point for me to consider what they said.

"Have you thinked twice?"

This is the 1st question I get hooked when I'd told them I'm going to on-leave for signing my marriage. I have thinked about this for few months, I've asked myself why do I need to get marry. Yes we can be together eventhough we are not married but to get marry is for the children to have a proper family & cert, it's not for tighting each other. & just ask back ourself, why do we need to be single. Do we want to be single for our whole life? For sure no.

"So when is your big day?"

This is the most common question that everyone will ask. I repeat, EVERYONE WILL ASK. Does the ceremony is really important? Does it will effect my whole marriage? No right? It's just something like announcement & look after good image, wearing something beautiful & pretent to become 1 day queen but the truth is bride & bridesmaid will be busy like shit for the whole day even some are more than 1 day & will never feel like a queen or king at all. Do people really love to attend it? The truth is most of people even hope that they're not invited. No, they wish to be invite but they will give reason not to come after that. Everyone will say they are busy with their own commitment or they are in somewhere else or whatever. Have you ever attend a wedding dinner which invited almost 300 people but there was not even half were coming? I did. That was more ambarassed & wasting money, better don't invite so much people. Cost for inviting 300 people can be deposite of a house. But of course we still will do it some day due to the conservative group like my family requested it. We will full fill both side parent's request 1 by 1 from time to time, that for sure. We are planning and do our best to make it within this year, probably October or after October. We just want a simple wedding & not making other people feel difficult & we don't want to relate our hardship with other people.

"It's raining, how do you go back home? Just call your husband send & fetch you lah.."

"Adakah orang sudah kahwin masih tinggal asing-asing?"

Nothing I can answer them other than just smiling. People don't know how's my life is and I have to be strong. It's hurt enough when I think about I'm alone here without him. This is not what we want but we have no choice, both of us have goals and both of us still must work separately for temporary. I'll jobless if I stay with him out of the city, unless if his business is really busy & he needs my help. At the same time, he is not suitable to stay in the city with me if he want to do what he is doing now. We have our long term dream/goals, we just need time and patient. Once he success in what he is doing now, then we will stay together. We have lot of things to do and our target is only two years, that's it. And now I just have to take care of myself and yes I'm married but I'm still alone.

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"No money? Minta lah.."

I'm glad that I'm not jobless. I'm still using my own earn money, it's enough for me & never need to request from him but we have agreed that I will be the financial controller for both of us soon.

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"Have you taken your wedding studio photo?"

It cost RM4,000 for the photograph, together with the album & renting the gound for ceremony. Does that neccessary? Only view and enjoy the photos during beautiful 1st few years of marriage and after that never touch it anymore. That's my senior married friends told me and I do believe it. I know some people love that, up to them but there are more things are important than those photos which cost few thousand of RM. Preparation for the marriage is more important than preparation for the wedding. For memory purposes, I'll prefer to look for individual photographer, rent wedding gound and take some outdoor photos. It's cheaper, helping my photographer friends get business & extra income some more, & some of them even better than the wedding studio photographer.

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Until today I still feel odd to use the word "my husband". I tell myself everyday that I have married but I still don't believe it. xoxo.. I don't know why but it's true. I don't feel anything, no changes, no control, no culture shock but I always feel I have someone important in my life. We need each other but we can leave & do our daily task without each other. It's more about support, trust and understanding. I still can be with my parents & family anytime I want, I still going out with my friends so do him, and we can be with together anytime we want legally without objection. I love this kind of feeling and I hope this will be the reason for us to have a long lasting marriage.